Suburban White Boy

When I was young we didn’t have much

Eating mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch

Money was tight but I was content

Living with family members to make the rent

Our backyard was on the rooftop

Between my sister & I, we had two pops

Neither of which were in our home

But it was made sure my father was known

Fast forward to us living in our first house

It served us well until it was burned down

I remember my mom calling me weeping

Everything she worked for gone in an evening

Pennsylvania was rough, we were just happy to be alive

Then we moved to Virginia around the time I was five

A beautiful place to make a fresh start

It was easy to tell where I’m from and the suburbs apart

That’s where I met the man my mom would almost marry

He was black and admittedly at first that was scary

But he was goofy, I grew to love him and his kid

Soon after my mother gave birth to my little sis

She didn’t look like me and I teased her for it

In hindsight, wish I could have foreseen the importance

I had never seen an afro in person and it showed

Didn’t know what a wig was until I met grandma Glo

So many things new to me I felt I was being brave

Then we moved again in between second and third grade

Went to a new school where minorities were the majority

I made friends in no time and blended accordingly

I’m Puerto Rican but couldn’t escape my complexion

Even still it’s not like I was treated different or threatened

Everyone said the “n” word, I thought I had their respect

Because I used to say it too and never once got checked

Throwing slurs around at every individual

Thinking I’m cool, all the way through middle school

Said it in front of my white friends and my black friends

Would sing along to songs like nothing happened

Unaware that word carries the weight of the world

But even after I learned can’t say it didn’t reoccur

Didn’t realize my internalized racism was compounding

When I was clowning on my little sister’s brown skin

I remember seeing a picture of black Jesus one night

Thinking this can’t be right, Jesus was definitely white

Just like everyone else I saw in all the movies & cartoons

Tv shows, video games and any other media I consumed

Except for rap, something I was heavily invested in

But then again my favorite rapper was Eminem

Hard to notice in the moment but that’s probably not coincidental

No second thoughts when everything for me is inconsequential

By 14 my mom finally had her happily ever after

She must have a type cause our family got even blacker

A decade later at the theater I’m accused of being prejudiced

Had me questioning if they’re just defensive or there’s evidence

Ashamed to say I’ve been a racist before

Privilege back then wasn’t an idea explored

Luckily for me my open mind was elevated

Family reunions were melting pots and integrated

I was blessed to be exposed young there’s no denying it

I had time to unlearn generations of biases

But for most that look like me that’s not the case

Still don’t know how to act with those without a white face

I get it’s hard to relate, how could they know the black experience

Neither do I, but I’ll never mind hearing it

“Why is everything about race?” We made it that way

400 years of history doesn’t disappear in a day

No proclamation could ever wash the blood from our hands

Those that don’t listen choose not to understand

Took me 20 years & dozens of in-laws for the chance

To figure solidarity is more than a black square on Instagram

I was only a child but I know I owe apologies

And it’s alright if some won’t acknowledge me

I’ve enforced stereotypes and spoke out of pocket

Every day I work hard to rewire and stop it

So I’m sorry I’ve taken the role of the oppressor

Sincerely a suburban white boy that wants to be better