the reason why i failed
A sad excuse I give as I pity a laugh
I get so mad over the life that I’ve had
All I’ve got is wasted potential
I learned too late failure’s essential
So scared I gave up before I even tried
Hated myself and got complacent with time
As I grow more insightful and reflect on my past
I start to realize all the regrets that I have
Reliving situations in my head so vividly
Thinking ‘bout the things I could have done differently
I soil relationships like milk in the sun
Spent many days in Rome & I built it in one
A skeleton of a home with no furnishings
No fostered connections, it’s discouraging
Trying to reach out to siblings & their kin
There’s no foundation for any room that we’re in
I flew away two thousand miles or so
But we grew apart a long time ago
Exchanging texts, asking questions awkwardly
I tell myself it’s fine and it doesn’t bother me
Maybe it’s just guilt and it’s easier that way
I feel I missed the boat and I see it each day
I couldn’t tell you anything about my mom & my dad
I don’t know anything about them for how long that I’ve had
I never put any effort into my academics
Graduated with straight C’s, I’m pathetic
Flunked my first year of community college
Took a couple more classes and then just dropped it
The only time I apply myself, it’s to a dead-end job
I can only blame myself and yet I still feel robbed
I guess I’ll sulk about it now, die about it later
I really let all my spoiled tears compound to anger
I got too good at concealing feelings
Tinted windows to the soul
My eyes are painted null
Heart stained with blood
Feel like I ain’t enough
I know no perfect man
But I’m not worth a damn
And if I’m damned,
Outside of promised land
Tell me otherwise,
Without judging lies
Not that I believe
Never had a reason to
And that shit eats at you
Like what’s this thing
That everybody sees but you?
The whole world screams at you
And you just ease into,
Your securities and impurities
Look outside, hurry please
The day is gone
That ship sank
The game of life
I played it wrong