Prayers to Myself

Dear Jesus,

I pray that you keep all of my family safe,

From my brat of a sister to uncle Dave

Keep me out of trouble and help me get good grades

Abuela says if I disobey I could end up in a bad place

But if I'm good I'll go to Heaven and get to see your face

I hope I get some cool toys for my birthday

And I hope I make some new friends at school so we can play

Amen.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that you keep the rest of my family safe

But why did you have to take cousin Elliott away?

Why did my best friend have to move to another state?

I guess it's just a test of my strength in faith

But your plan had some choices that I really hate

Like that time when you let my aunt get raped

I pray that you please just keep the rest of my family safe

And you stop those kids from bullying me today

Amen.

Dear God,

Why does it seem like you never answer back when I pray?

Why are there so many contradictions in what the bible states?

Why does every church sermon fill me with more hate?

I've had conflicting feelings towards you since seventh grade

We've never had a connection that felt great

All I have are questions about the god that I praise,

Like why you put a stupid fucking fruit there in the first place?

Or all the atrocities you apparently said were okay

It's a sin if I don’t believe but is it really my choice to make?

Why would I go to Hell because I can't tell what's real or fake?

I'm hoping I get it right and that I don’t make a mistake

I want to believe in you, it gives me a future to embrace

Amen.

Dear Religion,

I finally realized why my family hasn't been kept safe

Why I was never able to live my life for Christ's sake

Why I’m in this dark place and still have never seen your face

Why my depression never seems to take a break

And why it always feels like there’s too much on my plate

It's because all those nights that I kneeled down to pray

There was nobody there listening to what I had to say

This whole time I was left alone, fragile and afraid

Because religion and it's mission are all man-made

I've been conditioned to believe, only to feel betrayed

I turned my back to God but life still moves at the same pace

I no longer believe there's someone in the sky that controls fate

And if it does turn out God is real, then we could never make,

Amends.